• Jennifer Strube

No Bike Left Behind


When it rains, be sure to wear your bike poncho.


Long gone are the days of antique umbrellas. To keep up with the latest trends, you need much more than your polka dotted Wellies. Forget the rain coat — its much to restrictive. To exist here in the perpetual rain, you need to adorn yourself with a bike poncho.


 The ultimate fashion statement, bike ponchos come in all shapes and sizes. Fashion nail hot pink, bathroom ducky yellow, I’m-from-California orange, I’m-from-California-but-I-now-live-in-China Red. At first, I thought the ponchos were an accessory, the way one would display a fake Luis Vuitton bag to boost her outfit’s flare. I was wrong. Rain is the accessory. Without rain, your outfit is not complete. Dewdrops shimmering off your eyelashes is the latest rage, enough to woo even the staunchest of bourgeoisie your way. Bike ponchos are mere standard wear, like your everyday grey t-shirt and jeans. Nowadays, you and your bike cannot be caught naked in the rain.


It’s rained almost everyday since I moved to the East. On the days when it’s not raining, the clouds throw a discussion group in the sky, talking about the global warming and why the land is in drought. I saw the sun once, but that was by accident. The clouds quickly scolded it and robed it with fog. I wonder if this means I can switch to a cheaper facial cream, one with an SPF of non-existent. No ultraviolet rays are getting through here. No harmful wrinkling rays. 


But lots and lots of rain.


The bike poncho allows you to continue a thunderous speed of 5 mph on your ebike, while still keep your head and hands dry. Granted, the bike poncho covers the bike’s headlights, but headlights aren’t necessary in the Middle Kingdom. To fumble around on the vehicle’s controls could distract you from the road, or so the driver’s handbook reminds. What will keep you safe is the bike poncho. Keep your eyes straight ahead on the road, as you won’t have any peripheral vision. Side mirrors distract your focus anyway. Besides, if you hit someone, it’s their fault.


First, the stilettos and now the bike poncho. I feel like so behind in my fashion, the frumpy American without spike heels or latex rain protection. I thought California was bad in it’s need to keep up with the Jones’. My friend, trying keeping up with the Lee’s. They move way faster than the ebikes, and are progressing in lightning speed to keep up with their own latest weather forecasts.


Today’s skycast: a flurry of torpedo rain, moving this country faster than the bullet train to Shanghai.


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